It's been awhile since I last updated. I want to apologize for leaving you guys on such a depressing note. I was going through a rough patch at the time and just needed sometime to clear my head. I've actually been trying to post something on here for awhile, but everytime I made an attempt, I didn't know how to begin because so much has gone on since my last update. But I've decided, instead of updaing you guys on everything that has happend in my life up to this point, I'm going to let you guys know what to be expecting in the future.
I've had a pretty cool year since I've been here on blogstream. I've met some awesome people and even learned little bit about myself in the process (corny, yes..but true). I've had this blog since the end of my junior year in high school, til now, the summer before I head to college! It's crazy going back and seeing where I was to where I am now. Some of the things I cared about and the things that pissed me off the most have changed (again, only some).
But I think Tyler-Talk has run it's course, and it's time for me take a few steps foward and start an "official" site. Not a tag on to blogstream (not that I dislike blogstream or anything). I've learned that I enjoy writing and having a place "that's my own," will only further inspire me to do so.
So in closing, this is definately not a good-bye to those who still stop by Tyler-Talk from time to time, but more like a new beginning (again with the cornyness..but true). I will still update on here until the new site is up, and I'm hoping to have that done by the end of the summer. I just need to find a webpage designer who could help me out with the site, and also get a domain name for it too. I'll keep y'all posted on what's happening. Leave me comments on what you think and talk to you guys soon.
It's been awhile since. Hope everyone is doing alright these days.
In the past three months I've been going through a lot of hard times in my life, that's why I haven't been updating as much as I'd like to. Things have been spiraling rapidly out of control and I'm having a very difficult time trying to come up for air. I was even considering shutting down "Tyler-Talk" due to this. I have fallen into depression. Causes of my depression and heartache vary:
I received my first traffic citation 3 months ago. Nothing serious, just 10 miles over the speed limit, rushing to work. Points were taken off my license. My parents weren't to pleased when I told them what happend, which made the situation feel bigger than what it was. At the same time, speeding is putting yourself and others at risk, and I understand that now.
A month later, my truck slid into a curb and both tires on the drivers side fell under the rims of the truck. I don't want to go into to much details with this one, but I will say the driving is very dangerous, and is nothing to play with. I've also been very stressed out at work. I work front desk at a gym here in Anchorage, and its a very popular gym with many members. Working front desk, your the heart of the club. You keep things pumping and flowing the way that it should. Your responsible for all new information at the club, retail, as well as making shakes, food, and folding endless buckets of towels. We also do numerous reconciles throughout the day and is very stressful when were short or over in receipts. Everyone wants to play the blame game. Having to do so much, always being busy, and not having much time to do my school work after work (don't get off till 10:30) has been hard. My friend who actually helped me get this job, was forced to quit because her parents felt they never saw her and she was stressed out all the time.
Almost graduation time and I am constantly being discouraged by people around me about my plans for my future. I constantly the feel pressure to leave and go to school out of state, but feel like the school here is the right one for me. I know what I want to do in life, I have a plan all thought out, but just feel so much pressure to alter it.
Yesterday night had to be the peek of my depression. I had decided to go to the gym and workout for a few hours to try and get my mind off of a lot of things that have been bothering me. While there, I almost felt worse because I just kept thinking about thoughs things that brought me down. I starting texting my girlfriend, telling her how I was feeling, why I've been acting the way I have, and really just trying to be honest with her. She tried to comfort me but really didn't really understand why I am so unhappy. She started to list some of the things I have in life some people don't have and wish they did, but I told her I'd take inner peace over anything in my life, any day.
After leaving the club, I started to just cruise around, which helps clear my mind when I'm having days like I was having yesterday. After about 30 minutes of cruising on the hillside, I realized I might have left my wallet in the parking lot of the gym. So as I'm coming back, I'm getting ready to take a right turn at a light. Mine was red, so I yielded to traffic and proceeded to go when there was an opening. Well the car coming (who was far down the road) was speeding, so me, being already out, take my right turn and signal into the next lane on the left. I don't know if he saw me get into the left lane or not, but he came up behind me, almost hitting me, flew back into the right lane, and then I didn't see his car anymore. So I stop my car turn around to see what happend and saw his car upside down on the side of the road. My heart stopped. Everything crashed down on me. Every emotion you could think of, I had.
After turning around, I ran out of my car and across the street to see if the man was okay. I ran over frantic, about to cry, and asked if he was alright and gave him a friendly hug. I was so scared. I thought he hurt himself, and it was all my fault because I turned out and switched lanes, no knowing he was going to do the same. I called my mom, upset. She was trying to remain calm but I could tell she was worried too. I told her not to come because I was already talking to police. I told the police what happend, and gave them my license and registration. After taking my license, I was issued a citation for not yielding at a light. I told them I had plenty of time to go and switch lanes, but was not heard. The man in the other car didn't even know it was me he almost hit and came over and asked if I saw what happend. After I told him it was me, he just walked away.
Points again were taken off my license and the feeling of being "America's Worst Driver" is back. I couldn't sleep last night at all. I had numerous panic attacks as well as anxiety attacks. The thoughts of what happend/what could have happend kept replaying in my head. I called my sister and told her what happend. She tried to comfort me and explain to me it wasn't my fault and accidents happen. I don't feel like it wasn't my fault. If I never went the way I did, or turn into the lane he wanted to, this would have never happend. What if he had kids? Or someone who was pregnant in the car? (because we we're right in front of the hospital, which could explain his speeding), I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I couldn't do it.
This was very hard for me to write. Very hard to put out there. I'm still not over anything that's happend to me the past few months. I haven't gotten out of bed or eaten all day, it's painful to get up. I've talked to my dad today and he proceeded to talk about my behavior and up-tightness that lead up to last night. He also said letting God out of your life isn't a wise decision. Not realizing I have.
Again, this is hard for me. Ask anyone who knows me, I don't ever talk about serious situations that bother me on the inside much at all, so this really is a first for me. Any advice, comments, encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Just finished the new "Tyler-Talk" layout. Not sure if I like it to much. Maybe I just need to get use to it. Alright, I'll be updating later on this week. Hope you guys have an awesome tuesday.
Been awhile since I've updated my blog. It's 2009, happy new year everyone (haha, I know, hella late). I'm gonna miss 2008, but looking forward to see what the new year brings. Hope everyone had an awesome holiday season. Mine was great. Been focusing a lot of my time on getting my applications turned into to these colleges, deadlines for most of them are next week . I'm extremely excited that my last year in high school's about to wrap up. I know I'm going to miss it at some point, but as of right now, I more than eager to get out. So a little update on me and what's been going on in my life:
#1. Quit the job that I got over the summer. Yah, once the school year started, the job just wasn't fun anymore. It started having way to much bulls**t than I can handle. So my friend hooked me up with an even better job over at a local gym. SO much better than my last job, plus it pays more . Don't get me wrong though, every job has sh**ty parts about it, but this job fits into my schedule with school, I don't work on the weekends, I get to work out there for free, and the managers actually care about their employees (something that was VERY new to me when I first started working there).
#2. I'm in a serious relationship with someone that kind of even took me by suprise at first. The girl I had blogged about awhile back (if your not sure who I'm talking about, she is many previous blogs), yah, I decided to give us a shot. Things are okay. We hit a couple of bumps in the beginning of everything, but things are good now. We're happy.
#3. My sister recently moved out and into to the dorms over at the University of Anchorage Alaska. Kind of weird not seeing her around the house anymore, I'm the oldest now.
Hhhmm, trying to remember what else has been going on.........Oh well, I'll come back if I remember. Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks to everyone who sent me e-mails and messages while I was away. A new layout is coming real soon so be looking out for that. Talk to you guys soon.
Oh! Before I go, I wanna give a shout out to Ell-907, author of the "Thoughts Behind the Scene" blog. She's an extremely talented poet and a good friend of mine, so definitely check her out sometime.
So i was talking to a close friend of mine today and they were telling me about how things were going and how their life right now isn't going all that great. A lot of the people this person thought they could call friends, turned their backs on them due to a decision they made that their "friends" didn't agree with. Later that evening I was talking to a family member of mine who was kind of dealing with a similar situation as my close friend was having.
It sucks thinking you have someone you can count on no matter what, but when it comes time to really be a friend, they turn their backs on you. Now for me, I realized along time ago that being dependent on people, friend or not, isn't good...at all. There was a point in my life were I didn't have anyone to call a friend. I moved to a new school, didn't know anyone and just completely felt alone. Met a few people, starting hang out with them, thought I could trust them, but ended up being kicked to the curb and having to pick my face up off the ground later.
Finding true friends isn't easy. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes a lifetime (well, maybe not that long), but a great amount of time to find people you can honestly call true friends. It took me a whole year after going to that school, just to find someone I could call a "true" friend, someone that I could actually count on when I needed them. Someone who had my back no matter what. It's hard to find people like that. But when you have friends that you THOUGHT you could count on, and they end up turning the other cheek when you need them, move on. Let them go. Obviously, they weren't who you thought they were (aka friends), so why even give a d$@*? Those people are no going to be the last people your ever meet. Their not going to be the last people your ever going to hang out with, so let them go. I did. Friends are supposed to be there for each other no matter the choices or decisions you make with your life.
Now, friends can let friends know when they think your making a not so great decision, but they shouldn't turn their back on you just because you didn't do what they said you should do. That's stupid. I appreciate my friends input on a lot of things I do, but when it comes down to it, its always my choice, my life. When i was deciding on which car I wanted to buy over the summer, I had a friend who didn't like the car I wanted to get, but that person didn't stop being friends with me cause I didn't stop liking the car. Why? Because it's my choice, and since that persons a true friend, they understand that.
I could go on and on about this subject of "true friends", but it's late, and I gotta get up at 6 tomorrow morning.
So people, if you have "friends" who feel the need to try and run your life, and turn their backs on you when they don't have control over your life, again, let them go. Move on and find someone who won't cut you off over bulls@*# control issues. And also, be independent. Don't rely on other people to make your situations better all the time, because when it comes down to it, you can only help yourself.
. I'm extremely excited that my last year in high school's about to wrap up. I know I'm going to miss it at some point, but as of right now, I more than eager to get out. So a little update on me and what's been going on in my life: 
. Don't get me wrong though, every job has sh**ty parts about it, but this job fits into my schedule with school, I don't work on the weekends, I get to work out there for free, and the managers actually care about their employees (something that was VERY new to me when I first started working there). 
